life, Uncategorized

I’ll sit with you

Failure is one of those things that is easy to write about when you have overcome it. Sharing a story of how we persevered through life’s challenges and came out the other side is not only cathartic, it is inspirational. Everyone loves a story of triumph.

But what about when you are in the thick of it? What do you do when you are mid-collapse, or feel like you’re drowning? How or what do you write about then?

As a writer, I have spent much of my career sharing my personal stories. From battles fought and won, to lessons learned and relearned, I have always tried to be honest with my audience. I believe in vulnerability and in authenticity and sharing my life’s challenges and imperfections has been a big part of my writing. But lately I have been struggling. A year that started out with the launch of a book and goals to begin coaching, quickly turned into one of the biggest mental health crises that I have had in years.

Everything became a struggle. My anxiety became unmanageable, my self-care plummeted, my work and relationships suffered, and my interest in anything, even my beloved writing, became non-existent.

But it wasn’t just the lack of interest that held me back from writing (although that was a big part of it), it was the fear around speaking vulnerably, while being at my most vulnerable.

Although I have built my career on honesty, it has always been in more of an ‘after the fact‘, ‘let’s add some humour in and laugh at how hard life can be‘ kind of way. I have always kept it light-hearted, and I have always kept from talking about my battles until I was out of the trenches.

One of the biggest hang-ups that ‘helpers’ face in moments of crisis is asking themselves, ‘How can I help/inspire others when I can’t even help or inspire myself?!

But what if the greatest help you can give someone is not to offer ‘after the fact’ advice or light-hearted humour … what if the greatest help you can offer someone is just to let them know that they are not alone? What if the biggest gift you can give someone is the knowledge that there is someone else in the trenches too, fighting alongside them?

This too, shall pass. Of that much, I am sure. And in the meantime, I am going to keep fighting, and I am going to keep sharing my story, whether I have found triumph or not.

If you are in the trenches right now, know that you aren’t alone. And I can promise you this … I am not going to say ‘We’ve got this!“, because even though we likely do ‘got this’, hearing that right now is not helpful.

I’ll just be there, sitting alongside you.

Uncategorized

Saying ‘hell no’ to the hustle

I’m going to be honest, I kind of feel like I have been failing at life lately.

Between work, household chores, writing a book, blogging, raising human beings, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life … I am about ready to explode.

I feel as though I have several balls in the air right now, none of which I am doing a particularly good job at managing.

Now, before you come at me with your validation, reassurance, and your ‘Don’t be hard on yourself, You are doing your best‘s’, let me explain … I am not doing my best right now. I haven’t been doing my best for a while and I know it.

I can feel in my gut when I am giving something 100%, and right now, I think I am hovering at 70% in most categories. Probably 65% in the housework department, if I am being completely honest, with self-care coming in at a dismal 10%. (Yikes)

I am exhausted. And I am in a cycle of putting just enough effort into things to keep them plugging along … and that’s about it.

And here is the thing, I am willing to give myself some grace because … it is a lot. I have a lot going on. I don’t need a hero cookie or a medal because, quite frankly, everyone has a lot going on and I am no more overwhelmed or busy than anyone else. But I am able to recognize that I have a full plate. A plate that I am very much grateful for.

I think the piece that I have been struggling with lately is, something’s got to give. I either need to find a better way or I need to put down one of the balls.

And I love all of my balls. (I am also a 13 year old at heart. I totally giggled as I typed that.)

But in all seriousness, how on earth can I choose?! How do I let go of something that I love in order to be able to make more room for something else that I love?

And let’s face it, some things (most of them actually) are not even options. I can’t say, “Kids, I’m taking a little vacay from parenting so that I can devote more energy to my job. Be good, okay?’

I can’t quit my job or stop doing laundry and dishes (as tempting as that is at times). And my self-care is already in the tanker. (Don’t be surprised if I roll up to your BBQ with unshaven legs and unkempt hair.)

So that leaves my passions. My book, this blog, the things that light me up … which quite frankly, don’t feel like options either.

So what to do?

Well, my first reaction was, ‘Suck it up, Christine. Quit sniveling that you have too many projects on the go and get to work. If you want it bad enough, make it happen.’

And to be honest, a part of me still believes that. Going after goals is work. The bigger the goal, the harder the work. No wildly successful person will tell you that they got where they are today because it was easy. They will tell you it was freaking hard but they made it because they didn’t give up.

But here is the thing, if you burn yourself out by trying to do too many things at once, you are guaranteed to not reach ANY of your goals, let alone one of them.

I recently wrote a blog about how I work towards goals and combat overwhelm. If you haven’t read it, you can check it out here. I wrote about how I reach goals, the importance of giving yourself some grace, and that bad days happen. But I have since realized that I forgot one of the most important steps of all.

Boundaries.

The bottom line is, the ‘hustle hard’ trend that has been circulating the entrepreneurial world in recent years can be dangerous. It implies that if you really want to make something happen, you will. And if you can’t, you must not be working hard enough.

‘Hustle hard’ tells us to work fulltime, exercise, eat clean, raise great kids, have a fantastic relationship (don’t forget the sex!), have a great social life (don’t forget the selfies!), have a hobby (and excel at it!), and look fantastic while doing it all. It tells us that not only is this possible, but it is sustainable and SEXY.

What a load of shit. Seriously.

This is why we have a bunch of people with anxiety, exhaustion, and addiction issues.

We have to stop trying to do everything, all at once.

I was on the phone with a close friend the other day and we were discussing the ‘habits and goals’ course that we were about to start creating. (I mean, I am already overwhelmed with work, kids, writing a book, and maintaining a blog … why wouldn’t I add course creation to the roster!? After all … hustle hard.)

“You know Christine, we don’t have to do this course right now. We can wait until things slow down a bit. We both have a lot going on. What you think?”

“Omgoodness, I totally think we can do it! I don’t actually think it will be too bad. We’ve got this!”, I rebutted quickly.

But then I stopped. I could feel it in my gut. A buzzing anxiety about the fact that I was about to throw another ball into the mix. One more thing. One more ‘I got this!’

So I asked myself, “Okay slow down a minute here. Can I really do this? And if I can, am I going to be able to give it my all? Can I offer this course, and my friend, the attention they both deserve?”

The answer was no. Could I do it? Probably. But could I do it well, and without it taking more from my family, my work, and my mental health? NO.

Boom. There was my boundary.

And man, did it feel good. Checking in with myself, being honest, and making the choice to do what was best for me and my most important balls instantly made me feel lighter.

I still want to do the course. And I will. When I am able to give it 100%.

Until then, I am going to work on having stronger boundaries. I am going to listen to my gut and think about whether or not I can actually take on more projects, before just diving in. I am going to resist the urge to ‘do it all’. I am going to practice saying no without feeling guilty. I am going to delegate. I am going to priotize. And I am going to put a few things down, for now.

I am driven. I have lots I want to do. But I am learning that I will be way more effective if I protect my time, energy, and emotions.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. And my mental health is so much more important than the hustle.

Setting boundaries, saying no, and pressing pause isn’t indicative of failure or laziness.

In fact, oftentimes, it is the key to success.

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