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All along, I thought I was a part of the solution … but I was still a part of the problem

I was going through my Facebook Memories the other day and came across a post that I had done years ago. It said “With so much darkness and sadness in the world, Choose LOVE.”

How ironic, I thought. Years later, and still so applicable.

But maybe it’s not applicable. Maybe we need to be sad and angry right now.

There was no way I was going to blog about this. Mostly because I thought, as a white woman, I don’t have a right to. But also, because this topic feels terrifying.

I watched a clip of the George Floyd murder last week and my heart has felt indescribably heavy ever since.

Nine minutes. For nine minutes, he laid on the pavement, cuffed, with a knee pressed into the back of his neck. He begged for water, for air, for his mom. He was murdered, on video,  and it happened because we have said it’s okay.

Ahmaud Arbery was hunted down while out for a jog.

Hunted.

It happened because we have said it’s okay.

Ugh, The States …” we mutter, and shake our heads in disdain.

Don’t be smug, Canada. We are like the States’ little sister. Our behavior is just as bad but we are a little bit quieter about it and have learned to smile sweetly when someone is looking.

Mamas have to tell their babies not to jog in certain areas, how to handle being followed in stores and accused of theft, and how to react if and when they get pulled over by the police.

They have to teach their babies how to stay safe. From us. And we have said it’s okay.

As a white woman, I have had the ability and privilege (one of many) to shake my head sadly, turn in the other direction, and pretend it’s not my problem.

I have said bullshit things to my non-white friends like ” I don’t see your colour, I just see you as a person”. I have asked people what their heritage is because I have been curious what kind of ‘not white’ they are. I have done all this while feeling and acting like I was part of the solution, not a part of the problem.

I am embarrassed. And I am sorry.

I want to do better. We need to do better.

We need to be angry and sad. We need to be sorry. And we need to be quiet. We need to be quiet so we can listen. We need to listen to the voices we have spoken over for so long.

My heart is broken, and humbled. I vow to do better.

~ Christine

** Where do we start? What can we do? It is overwhelming. Below are a few resources to start …

Donatehttps://blacklivesmatter.ca/donate/

Readhttps://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/# and https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234

Watchhttps://youtu.be/YrHIQIO_bdQ

Listenhttps://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-ibram-x-kendi-on-how-to-be-an-antiracist/