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All along, I thought I was a part of the solution … but I was still a part of the problem

I was going through my Facebook Memories the other day and came across a post that I had done years ago. It said “With so much darkness and sadness in the world, Choose LOVE.”

How ironic, I thought. Years later, and still so applicable.

But maybe it’s not applicable. Maybe we need to be sad and angry right now.

There was no way I was going to blog about this. Mostly because I thought, as a white woman, I don’t have a right to. But also, because this topic feels terrifying.

I watched a clip of the George Floyd murder last week and my heart has felt indescribably heavy ever since.

Nine minutes. For nine minutes, he laid on the pavement, cuffed, with a knee pressed into the back of his neck. He begged for water, for air, for his mom. He was murdered, on video,  and it happened because we have said it’s okay.

Ahmaud Arbery was hunted down while out for a jog.

Hunted.

It happened because we have said it’s okay.

Ugh, The States …” we mutter, and shake our heads in disdain.

Don’t be smug, Canada. We are like the States’ little sister. Our behavior is just as bad but we are a little bit quieter about it and have learned to smile sweetly when someone is looking.

Mamas have to tell their babies not to jog in certain areas, how to handle being followed in stores and accused of theft, and how to react if and when they get pulled over by the police.

They have to teach their babies how to stay safe. From us. And we have said it’s okay.

As a white woman, I have had the ability and privilege (one of many) to shake my head sadly, turn in the other direction, and pretend it’s not my problem.

I have said bullshit things to my non-white friends like ” I don’t see your colour, I just see you as a person”. I have asked people what their heritage is because I have been curious what kind of ‘not white’ they are. I have done all this while feeling and acting like I was part of the solution, not a part of the problem.

I am embarrassed. And I am sorry.

I want to do better. We need to do better.

We need to be angry and sad. We need to be sorry. And we need to be quiet. We need to be quiet so we can listen. We need to listen to the voices we have spoken over for so long.

My heart is broken, and humbled. I vow to do better.

~ Christine

** Where do we start? What can we do? It is overwhelming. Below are a few resources to start …

Donatehttps://blacklivesmatter.ca/donate/

Readhttps://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/# and https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234

Watchhttps://youtu.be/YrHIQIO_bdQ

Listenhttps://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-ibram-x-kendi-on-how-to-be-an-antiracist/

13 thoughts on “All along, I thought I was a part of the solution … but I was still a part of the problem”

  1. I completely agree. I think everything starts with education and it is up to us to shape the next generation. Thank you for this heartfelt post

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  2. I do believe we should be raising the voices of the POC but I do not believe that we as white men and women should be silent. We should use any platform we have to help and speak up. I love this post.

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  3. My heart is as broken as yours. I am so sorry for everything that is happening to the world and just like you, I realized that we need to be more proactive. Be part of the solution and keeping mum or doing nothing is not a solution.

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  4. Thank you for speaking out. It’s been such a difficult time and I’m continually praying for better days. Our world is in desperate need of change. I appreciate you using your platform and voice to promote change. Thank you!

    Like

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